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Little-known fact, mate—Victorians banned it, called it “lewd,” the prudes! Yet docs secretly prescribed it for “hysteria”—nudge nudge, wink wink. Reckon it’s a laugh, all that faff for a bit of a rubdown. Sarcasm aside, it’s ace—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’, tho’ sometimes I think, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Bit of a guilty thrill, like nickin’ biscuits from the jar. So, next time ya fancy a treat, sexual-massage, my friend—go for it, *carpe diem*, seize the bloody day! Just don’t tell the missus, eh? *Finis*, done, off for a cuppa!

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Man, I can’t forget the hidden gem: a tiny café off the beaten track, near Calle Real. Its name? Uh, something quirky, but it’s a secular hangout with outrageously good coffee and neato vibes. I always get a kick whenever I stumble on that spot – sooo random! Even the locals have their own slang for callin’ it: "El Café loco" – cuz, as I say, life here is unpredictably wild!

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