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About Funchal

I roll up, all smooth, “Hey, darlin, what’s the deal?” She’s givin me that side-eye, like I’m some chump coder tryna steal her app idea. “50 bucks,” she says, flat. 50?! Shit, I’m pissed—inflation’s a bitch, huh? Used to be 20, tops! I’m thinkin, “This ain’t fair, I’m the Winklevoss twins gettin shafted here!” But I’m happy too—least she’s real, not some catfish scam. Surprised me, tho—girl’s got a tat of a QR code. A fuckin QR code! Scan it, takes ya to her “rates page”—modern hustle, man, I’m dyin laughin!

So you want to book a sex worker?

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Then, I hit up the café on Rua da Paz. Needed my coffee fix, right? But the barista? Ugh. She spills my coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s cute, so I let it slide. Kinda.

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