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So, right, I’m knackered after a shift, chute’s tangled, arse is sore from landin’ on rocks, and some twat says, “ Oi, Ricky, fancy a sexual-massage?” I’m like, “What, you takin’ the piss? I’d rather wrestle a forest fire blindfolded!” But—hear me out—it’s not all bollocks. Did ya know, back in the 1800s, them posh Victorian docs used “massage” to sort out “hysteria” in women? Yeah, mate, vibrators came from that—fuckin’ wild, innit? True story, google it, I ain’t lyin’!

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So, I keep walking, and I hit up the park near the Belas Clube de Campo. It’s beautiful there, man. Trees everywhere, birds singing. I sit down on a bench, just trying to catch my breath. But then, I see a dog running around. It’s chasing a squirrel, and I’m cracking up. Like, that dog thinks it’s a lion or something.

Char-Belas shakes it up