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Here I am, mates, David Attenborough style, calm as a breeze, talkin bout the wild world of sex escort. Picture this – a profession, right, where allure dances like them bamboo forests in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “The sword remains in its sheath,” ol’ Yu Shu Lien says, but in this game, it’s all out there, innit? Sex escort’s got this pull, this mystery, like a tiger crouchin low in the grass, waitin to pounce.

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So, I’m feelin’ good, right? I head over to the beach, Playa de Boquerón. The sun’s shinin’, waves crashin’. I’m ready to dive in. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re all takin’ selfies, and one dude drops his phone in the water. I’m like, “Bro, that’s a goner!” He’s freakin’ out, and I’m just laughin’.

William German, legendary Chronicle editor, dies at 95