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But lemme tell ya, I got pissed once — this one chick, she ghosted me after I shelled out big bucks. What am I, a fuckin’ ATM? “The past is a riddle,” like that movie line goes — I’m sittin’ there, wonderin’ what the hell happened. Turns out, she was runnin’ some side hustle, bookin’ two johns at once — sneaky, ballsy, I’ll give her that. Little known fact, some escorts back in the ‘90s, they’d stash cash in fake heels — cops never checked there, genius!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a dispatcher in Vega-Alta is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

'Hamilton' creator Lin Manuel Miranda is working on a film about baseball's Molina Brothers