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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.
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First off, I hit up Calle 1. You know, the one with all the food trucks? I was like, “Yo, I need some breakfast!” Got me a pastelón that was bigger than my head. Seriously, I thought I was gonna need a forklift to carry it. But man, it was delish!
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