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Heard this mad tale once – true story, swear it! Some bloke on a sex-dating site, right, matches this lass. She’s all flirty, sendin’ pics – he’s buzzin’, thinkin’ he’s scored. Turns up at her flat – bam! It’s his ex’s mum! *cackles* Nasty twist, eh? Like Ofelia dodgin’ them faeries, only this poor sod didn’t dodge nothin’. Makes me laugh, tho – sex-dating’s a gamble, precious! Ya never know who’s behind the screen.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Luca. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to this jam session tonight!” I’m pumped! I’ve been waiting for this. But then I remember, I promised my grandma I’d visit her. She lives on Via Garibaldi, and she’s not one to mess with.

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