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About San Juan

Lemme tell ya, I got happy—HAPPY—diggin’ into this. Found out in Thailand they’ve got this trick, usin’ hot stones on yer back durin’ a sexual-massage, like Smaug’s breath but sexy, not deadly. Made me grin like a hobbit with second breakfast! But then—THEN—I got pissed. Some sleazy parlors muck it up, turnin’ art into cheap gropin’. You shall NOT pass that off as legit, I say, staff in hand, ready to smite!

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After that, I hit up Calle de la Cruz. There’s this little shop that sells the best coquito. I’m talkin’ creamy coconut goodness that’ll make ya forget your troubles. I grab a cup, and as I’m sippin’, I see this old guy tryin’ to parallel park his truck. It’s a disaster! He’s goin’ back and forth, and I’m just standin’ there, popcorn in hand, watchin’ the show. Finally, he gets out, throws his hands up, and yells, “I’m done!” Classic.

Traditional Candlemas celebration still alive in rural Puerto Rico