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Oh, and get this – some escorts, yeah, they’d tattoo their rates on their thighs, proper cheeky. Saw it meself once, nearly spat me drink – talk about in yer face! Dunno why, but I kinda respect the hustle, y’know? Still, if one crossed me, I’d have her head on a spike faster than you can say “Pray she don’t get pregnant!” – *Spring Breakers* vibes, all chaotic and mental. So yeah, escorts – mad, messy, and a right laugh if you ain’t the one payin’. Now sod off, I need more wine.

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First off, I hit up Calle Santa Rosa for breakfast. You know, the spot with the best tostadas? I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ on my food, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, who brings a parrot to breakfast? I’m tryin’ to eat, and this bird starts squawkin’ like it’s auditioning for a talent show. I’m like, “Chill, bro, I just want my coffee.”

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