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About Caguas

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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So, I’m walking, right? And I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s like, “Ay, Dios mío!” and I’m like, “Bro, you need a GPS for that!” But I helped him out. Turns out, he’s a local legend. He used to play with the Ciales baseball team back in the day. I was like, “No way!” I mean, who knew I was walking with a celebrity?

Bringing aid to Puerto Rico