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Awright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, system analyst extraordinare, and I’m gonna tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, coz I’m pissed, and I got thoughts, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, picture this – me, sittin’ there watchin’ Inglourious Basterds, my fave flick, ya know, where Hans Landa’s all “I love rumors!” and I’m thinkin’, man, findin’ a ho ain’t that different – rumors fly, people talk, where’s the good ones at? I’m ragin’, coz it’s 2025, and I ain’t got time for bullshit!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I hit up this little spot on ul. Złota. Best pierogi ever! I’m stuffing my face, and this guy next to me starts talking about the weather. I’m like, “Dude, it’s Poland. It’s always unpredictable.” But he’s super into it, going on about how it’s gonna rain. I’m just nodding, thinking about how I need to get back to work.