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Oh, and the film—*Brokeback*—them lads hidin’ their spark, like escorts hidin’ their gig. “This is a goddamn bitch of a situation!”—yep, sums it up! Me fave bit? The longing, the sneaky fucks in tents—escorts got that vibe, but with flashier gear. Makes me wanna screech—why’s it all so bloody complicated?

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Finally, I get the crowd hyped. I’m all like, “Ladies and gents, welcome to the Brzozów Auction Extravaganza!” I’m pumped, but then I see my buddy, Janek, in the back. He’s got this ridiculous hat on. I mean, it’s like a cross between a cowboy hat and a sombrero. I can’t help but laugh. I’m like, “Janek, what’s with the hat? You auctioning off cattle or what?” The crowd cracks up, and I’m feelin’ good.

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