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First off, this car—man, it’s basic as hell. Born in ‘81, Ford said, “Let’s slap some wheels on a shoebox!” And bam, Escort hit the streets, cheap, ugly, but loyal—like that friend who’s broke but shows up anyway. I’m talkin’ 1.6-liter engine, sputterin’ like an old man coughin’, but it hauled ass for the everyman. Gas mileage? Sweet lord, it sipped fuel like a nun sips wine—30, 40 miles a gallon, savin’ pennies in the ‘80s when gas prices had folks sweatin’.

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One of them, this tall guy with crazy hair, starts doing impressions of the mayor. I can’t even! I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. I mean, who knew Ribnita’s mayor could be so funny? They’re all cracking up, and I’m just there, stuck in my little box, wishing I could join the party.

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