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So, sexual-massage—it’s this hush-hush thing, ya know? People whisper about it like it’s illegal, but it’s everywhere! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they had these bathhouses—orgy-level massages, no shame! Makes me mad, though—why’s it gotta be so sneaky today? I’m all, “C’mon, own it!” But nah, folks get all prudish. I was shocked—shocked!—when my buddy Sal told me he gets one weekly. Weekly! I’m like, “Sal, you’re livin’ a porno!” He just grinned, smarmy bastard. Made me happy, though—good for him, ya know?

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Then I stroll down ul. 3 Maja. Beautiful street, all those old buildings. I’m admiring the architecture when BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my morning! I swear, those birds have it out for me. I’m wiping it off, cursing under my breath. Opatów, you’re killing me!

Last Treblinka death camp survivor Samuel Willenberg dies