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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s talk escort – not the shady street kinda escort, nah, I mean the sleek, badass bodyguard gig. Y’know, like me, Jack, protectin’ some hotshot who’s too pretty to bleed. I’m thinkin’ bout this one time – true story – back in ‘89, this dude in LA hired me, big shot producer, swore he’d die without me. Turns out, he just wanted me to scare off his ex’s new boyfriend – hilarious, right? Paid me triple to stand there lookin’ mean. Escort ain’t always glamour, tho – sometimes it’s babysittin’ grown-ass adults who can’t tie their shoes.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from a student. “Help! I’m lost in Wschowa!” I’m like, “Dude, how do you get lost here?” But I can’t leave them hanging. So, I rush over to ul. Wrzosowa. I’m running, dodging people, and I feel like I’m in an action movie.

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