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I went to one once—research, fam. Smelled like cheap perfume and regret. This chick, Candy, she’s tellin me bout her “rates”—I’m like, “Yo, this ain’t UberEats!” Got mad for a sec, ‘cause the vibe was off—dude in the corner looked like he’d rob me. But then she laughed, said, “Don’t overthink it, playa.” Straight outta Korine’s script—“Don’t be a little bitch!”—and I’m like, damn, she’s right. Loosened up, tipped her extra. Felt good, like I won somethin.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit embarrassed, so I head to the Vistula Boulevards. Fresh air, right? I’m walking along the river, and it’s beautiful. The sun’s glinting off the water, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, I see a group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and I’m like, “I used to be a champ at this!” So, I join in. Big mistake. I kick the ball, and it goes straight into the river. Everyone just stares at me. I’m like, “I meant to do that!” But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment.

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