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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya bout these sex escorts—ooooh wee! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, ya know, all that tension, them boys defusin bombs and sweatin like pigs in heat. Sex escorts? Kinda like that—high stakes, honey! You pay for a good time, but lordy, it’s a gamble. Will they show up lookin like a snack or like they crawled outta bed after a bender? “Every step you take could be your last”—shoot, ain’t that the truth when you hirin somebody off the internet!

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Then I decide to grab a bite. I hit up this little spot on ul. 10 Lutego. They’ve got the best fish and chips. I order, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my meal, and they’re throwing around words like “divorce” and “custody.” I’m like, “Dude, can you not ruin my lunch?”

The beautiful and super cheap Polish seaside city with way less tourists than Krakow