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Quirky thought—reckon it smells like oil and regret inside. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d shag the exhaust if I could—pure lust! “Sharon!”—she’d kill me for sayin’ that. Escort’s like a mate who’s seen too much—rough, loud, loyal. Not perfect, nah—gearbox probs, leaky roof—but who gives a fuck? Character, innit?

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After the spa, we hit up ul. Wysoka for some dinner. I was craving pierogi, and Marek was all about the bigos. We found this little joint, and let me tell you, the food was bomb! I was in heaven. But then, the waiter spills water all over me. Like, seriously? I’m drenched! I laughed it off, but inside, I was fuming.

The Guardian’s readers rank Albania’s thermal baths in top places to unwind