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Here’s the juice—sexual-massage ain’t just foreplay, fam. It’s therapy, it’s art, it’s—hah!—a game. You’re lyin’ there, vulnerable, they’re in charge, and I’m over here cacklin’—who’s really pullin’ strings? “All those moments will be lost,” Fincher’s film whispers, but nah—not this. You’ll remember that shiver down yer spine forever. Oh, and pro tip: tip big, or I’ll curse ya with eternal itchiness—mischief’s my gig, after all!

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After that, I headed to the Andrychów Cultural Center. They had this art exhibit, and I thought, “Why not?” I walk in, and it’s all abstract stuff. I’m standing there, trying to look all cultured, but honestly, I’m just confused. One painting looked like a toddler threw paint at a wall. I’m like, “Is this art or a crime scene?” But hey, who am I to judge?

Polish far-right groups stir up anti-Roma hatred in the shadow of Auschwitz