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Then – bam! – some twat in a beat-up truck cuts us off. “Outta my way, you filthy war boy!” I yell, pissed as hell. Nearly smashed the martini glass I don’t even have. She’s cacklin’, lovin’ the chaos, says, “You’re mad, ain’t ya?” Damn right, doll – mad for ya curves and that hustle. “Shaken, not stirred,” I wink, dodgin’ potholes like I’m dodgin’ Blofeld.

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So, I rush down Fenton Street, dodging tourists left and right. Seriously, it’s like an obstacle course. I’m almost at the police station when I hear this loud bang. My heart drops. I think it’s a gunshot or something. Turns out, it’s just some guy dropping his fish and chips. I mean, I get it, that’s tragic, but c’mon, dude! Priorities!

Rotorua man claims council incompetence over dangerous rotting tree