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Exaggeratin’ a bit? Maybe. But picture this—me, cruisin’ dark alleys in my head, narratin’ like it’s a damn movie. “In the shadow of desire,” like *Tabu* says, you find her. She’s there, all sass, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ bored. You’re nervous, palms sweaty, but she’s cool as ice. Little fact—did ya know some old-school hookers used matchbooks to advertise? Dropped ‘em in bars—phone numbers scratched inside. Clever as fuck, right?

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After that, I had a break, so I hit up the local café on Papanui Rd. You know the one with the awesome flat whites? Yeah, that place. I order my coffee, and the barista spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, it’s fine, just give me a new one.” But he’s freaking out, apologizing like he just set the place on fire. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just coffee!”

Newsbites: News briefs for Tuesday, March 19