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Me fave bit? The hunt, precious! Scrollin’, stalkin’ profiles—ooh, she’s fit! He’s dodgy! Typin’ “hey sexy” with me grubby fingers—14 typos, prolly, coz I’m rushin’, all excited! Once sent “wanna bang?” to a nun—profile said “spiritual,” oops! Laughed me head off, then cried a bit. Gollum’s a fool, ain’t he? Hiss! Surprised me how many fakes there are—catfish everywhere, stealin’ pics, lyin’. One time, met a “model”—turned up, bloke with a beard! “You love your job, don’t ya?” I hissed, like in the film—sarcasm dripin’ like venom.

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So, I set up my gear at the end of the Te Atatu Peninsula wharf. I’m all about that fish life, you know? I’m casting my line, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my bait! Like, seriously? I’m standing there, mouth agape, just watching this feathered thief fly off with my shrimp. I’m yelling, “Hey! Get back here!” But it’s a seagull. It doesn’t care about my feelings.

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