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So, you’re scoutin’, yeah? Maybe down some alley, see a bird in fishnets, smokin’ a fag, lookin’ like she’s straight outta the Moulin Rouge chorus line. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” she says, all sassy – I’m creasin’, fam! Proper cheeky, love that! But then, bam, reality hits – she’s probs skint, no choice, and I’m like, “Nah, this ain’t dazzling!” Gets me riled up, bruv – why’s it still a ting in 2025?

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After that drama, I head over to the Pukekohe-East market. It’s a Saturday, so it’s packed. I’m dodging people left and right, trying to get to my fave stall. They sell the freshest produce, and I’m all about that healthy life. But guess what? They’re outta avocados! Like, seriously? What’s a millennial without their avos? I’m fuming.

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