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What pisses me off? Fakes. Escort pretending she’s high-class—please. You’re no tsarina, just a hustle. Happy tho when they’re sharp—wit like ice. Surprised me once, this gal quoted Pushkin mid-deal. Pushkin! Had to respect it. “What’s your secret, huh?” I asked. She winked— “Same as yours, boss.”

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into an old mate from high school. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local council. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he goes on about all the boring meetings he has to sit through. I’m thinking, “Man, I’d rather watch paint dry!” But hey, at least he’s got a steady gig, right?

Oxford honours pioneering Māori scholar with posthumous degree