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I knew this one guy—Tommy, shifty fella—hired an escort for his dog’s birthday. No kiddin’! Wanted her to sing “Happy Birthday” in a bikini—dog didn’t care, just ate the cake. Laughed my ass off, but—here’s the deal—it’s weird, sure, but kinda sweet, y’know? People are nuts! Escorts see it all—crazy, sad, wild stuff. Like that line, “We’re just living,” from the film—ain’t that the truth? They’re out there, livin’, dodgin’ cops, makin’ rent.

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But then, I see this guy trying to sell some weird-looking fruit. I’m like, “What even is that?” He’s all hyped up, saying it’s a superfood. I’m skeptical, but I buy one. It’s gross. Like, who eats this stuff? I’m regretting my life choices, but hey, at least I can say I tried it, right?

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