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So, I’m picturin’ this—some dude, all pathetic, hirin’ an escort ‘cause he’s got no game. Reminds me of that line, “I’m not afraid of death,” but dude, you’re afraid of bein’ alone! Escorts swoop in, all sexy and fake-smiley, and I’m like—damn, that’s smart! They’re cashin’ in on losers! Little known fact—back in the day, like 1800s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy as hell, bangin’ kings and shit. Now? They’re just a phone call away, no crown needed!

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Then, I had this wild idea. I thought, “Why not organize a community event?” Something fun, you know? So I started chatting with some locals. We’re throwin’ around ideas, and suddenly, I’m the guy in charge of planning a festival. What have I done? I’m not ready for this! But the excitement in the air was contagious.

Man charged with murder after death of Ngāruawāhia woman named