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About Auckland

Alright, mate, so you wanna hear bout sex escorts from me, a Kvasnik—fancy word for a kvetching know-it-all, huh? Picture me, Dr. House, limpin’ round with my cane, smirkin’ at the world. Everybody lies, specially in this biz. Sex escorts? Man, it’s a freakin’ maze—like *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but with less fauns and more condoms. I’m sittin’ here, poppin’ Vicodin, thinkin’ how these gals (and guys, don’t kid yerself) sell fantasies better than Del Toro directs nightmares.

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Liverpool manager Arne Slot says the club will have to make a “smart decision” on how to reintroduce Northern Ireland star Conor Bradley to the first team.

I head back to the office, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s back at their desks, typing like mad. I dive into my work again, and just when I think I’m making progress, the power goes out. Seriously?! I’m sitting there in the dark, and I can’t help but laugh. It’s like the universe is playing a prank on me.

The great supermarket robbery: Why one Countdown has lost 175 shopping baskets