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Favorite bit? The randomness. Like Toni’s dad fakin’ it as a weirdo life coach – “who are you really?” Sex-dating’s got that mystery. Met this bird once, thought she’s a 10, turns up, more like a 4. Laughed my arse off – cosmic joke, innit? Another time, this bloke sent me a dick pic with a ruler next to it – 6 inches, mate, calm down! Had to tell him, “I don’t measure infinity!”

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After that, I need a break. I grab a drink from the little kiosk on Kerikeri Road. The lady there, bless her, knows my order by heart. “You want your usual?” she asks. I nod, and she hands me a cold lemonade. Best thing ever!

Kerikeri social housing plan altered after public opposition