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Oi mate, I’m a right Hane, me! Escort, yeah? Lemme ramble bout it—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—like I’m Ozzy bleedin’ Osbourne. Escort’s this mad gig, innit? Blokes payin’ for a bird to hang about, maybe more, who knows? Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring*—that flick I’m mad for. Y’know, the monk lad and that lassie, lust creepin’ in like a sneaky bat. “Desire brings suffering,” the old geezer’d say. Same with escort, mate—ya want, ya pay, ya bleed inside.

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Then, I spot my mate, Dave, down by the playground on the corner of Waitoa Rd. He’s tryin’ to impress some girl, but he’s just makin’ a fool of himself. He’s like, “Check out my mad skills!” and then trips over his own feet. Classic Dave. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee. But hey, at least he’s tryin’, right?

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