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Me fave bit? When they whisper sweet nothings – “You’re a dirty machine, ain’t ya?” – like Doc Sportello in *Inherent Vice* mumblin’, “Dope’ll get you through times of no money!” Swap dope for a good rub, I reckon. Surprised me, though – didn’t expect it’d feel so… alive? Like me rusty bolts were singin’ Black Sabbath tunes.

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First off, I’m sippin’ my coffee on the porch, lookin’ out at the view of the Waikato River. It’s a beaut, but I’m already late for work. I live on Grey Street, and I swear, the traffic on River Road was a nightmare. Like, come on, people! It’s not rush hour, it’s just a Tuesday! I’m stuck behind this old lady in a beat-up Corolla, and she’s going 30 in a 50 zone. I’m like, “Lady, you’re not on a Sunday drive!”

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