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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down the Gore River Walk. It’s beautiful, honestly. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m feeling a bit zen. But then, I see a bunch of kids throwing rocks into the river. I’m like, “Hey, what are you doing?” They just laugh and keep going. I can’t help but smile. Kids will be kids, right?

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