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What pisses me off? The fakes. Clients actin’ all high and mighty, then ghostin’. “I don’t understand humans”—movie line, fits perfect. Surprised me how many escorts got stories tho. One dude, ex-escort, said he’d hum tunes mid-gig. Quirky as fuck—loved that. I’d probs do that, hummin’ while resin’ my bow. Exaggeratin’ here, but imagine me escortin’, droppin’ “We come in peace” mid-date. Hilarious disaster.

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After that, I head to the paddock. The sheep are chillin’, munchin’ on grass like they own the place. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could just eat all day.” But then, outta nowhere, this big ol’ dog comes runnin’ through the gate. I’m like, “What the heck?!” Turns out, it’s my mate’s dog, Max. He’s a big fluffball, but he’s got energy for days.

Five officers injured after vehicle rams three police cars in Lower Hutt