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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the harbor. Leirvik’s waterfront is stunning, man. The fjords, the boats, the whole vibe. I’m snapping pics for my Insta, right? Suddenly, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my roll! Like, chill, bro! I’m not sharing! I wave my arms like a madman, and the bird just looks at me like, “You think you own this place?”

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