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Then there’s the good bits—makes me happy, fam! Hooked up wiv a fit lad once, proper cheeky smile. We’re bangin’ away, an’ he’s like, “This is better than Netflix!” Absolute legend. Little fact, tho—did ya know sex-datin’ apps spike on Valentine’s? Everyone’s desperate for a shag when the world’s all lovey-dovey. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be dead, but nah, horniness wins!

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Finally, I escape and head down to the river. The Glomma is lookin’ all pretty, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when I see this kid flyin’ a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then the wind picks up, and the kite goes straight into a tree. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

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