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So, escort - it’s old as dirt, right? Back in Victorian days, posh blokes had “companions” - wink wink - while their wives knitted or whatever. Little known fact: some escorts kept diaries, spillin’ tea on lords and dukes. Hilarious, ‘til ya realize they’re all liars too. Everybody lies, even the fancy ones. Makes me wanna smash a violin over their heads, but wood’s pricey.

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Then, I decided to hit up the library. I mean, I’m a research associate, right? Gotta do my thing. But the library was closed! Closed! I was like, “What is this, a joke?” I was so frustrated. I just wanted to dive into some books about the local ecosystem.