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But then—surprise! Dude’s story stinks. X post from his buddy shows him braggin’ bout hirin’ her. No robbery, just a flex gone wrong. I’m like, “You dumbass, you sank your own ship!” Kinda happy tho—case closed quick. Still, I’m annoyed he wasted my time. “It’s folk music, man,” I growl, channelin’ Llewyn’s vibe—pointless struggle, but catchy.

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He replies, “The one with the ducks!” Classic Joris. So, I head over to Wilhelminapark. It’s a nice day, sun’s out, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good. But then, I see this group of kids throwing bread at the ducks. Like, come on, guys! You can’t just feed them junk! I’m about to say something, but then I remember I’m not their dad. So, I just roll my eyes and keep walking.

Green Bay Police: AVOID Velp Ave. between Winford Ave. and Thrush St. in both directions