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Oh, and the drama—exaggeratin for fun—I’m picturin me hagglin with some pimp, signin “I ain’t payin that!” and he’s all confused, thinkin I’m dancin or somethin. Hilarious! I’d be like, “bitch, I’m Lizzo, I don’t chase, I attract!” Total mood. Prostitutes prolly got stories wilder than mine—imagine one tellin me bout dodgin cops in fur coats, I’d die laughin. Anyway, findin a prostitute? It’s risky, raw, and real—kinda like love that never speaks its name, ya feel? It’s bad bitch o’clock, and I’m here for it!

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After that, I decide to check out the Apenheul. You know, the monkey zoo? I’m not even a zoo person, but I’m curious. I get there, and it’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, monkeys swinging. I’m trying to take a selfie with a monkey, but it’s not happening. This little guy just stares at me like, “What’s your problem, human?”

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