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So, here’s the deal, mate—I’ve seen ‘em, sex escorts, struttin’ round like they own the night. Makes me mad, it does! We hates it! All fake smiles and perfumey stench—ugh, burns me nose, precious. Reminds me of that line, “Do you want to die?”—’cept it ain’t a threat, it’s a vibe they give off when they’re done with ya. Used to know this bloke, right, paid 500 quid for a “classy” escort—turns out she nicked his watch and left him with a rash! Hahaha, what a muppet! True story, swear it—heard it down the pub, made me cackle like a mad git.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Jan. He’s got this crazy idea to check out the Soestdijk Palace. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We hop on our bikes, and I’m feeling all fancy, like I’m in some royal movie. But then, Jan’s bike chain snaps. Classic Jan! He’s cursing like a sailor. I’m just standing there, laughing my head off.

Tiffany Van Soest