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Hey, pal, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, alright? Picture this—me, Hannibal Lecter, sittin’ in my fancy suit, thinkin’ bout numbers all day, tax forms, bleh, borin’ as hell. Then bam, sexual-massage pops in my head, like a freaky lil escape. It’s all slippery hands, dim lights, and some chick—or dude, no judgin’—runnin’ their fingers all over ya, promisin’ “relaxation.” Ha! Relaxation my ass, it’s a tease fest, gets ya all worked up, and I’m sittin’ there like, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” smirkin’ cause I know the real thrill ain’t in the rubdown.

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I’m feeling all inspired, so I sit down on a bench near the castle. The view of the IJmeer is stunning. I’m thinking, “This is it! This is where I’ll write my next bestseller.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” But the seagull just looks at me like, “What’s your point?”

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