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About Groningen

It’s a trust thing, tho. Gotta vibe check the place. Shady spots? Hell naw. Clean, legit joints only—my ass ain’t gettin’ caught in no sketch sting like Margaret’s mom in that play mess. *“This is my life!”*—damn right, I’m picky! Pro tip: talk boundaries upfront. Ain’t nobody got time for surprises. Oh, and fun fact—some cultures use hot stones in sexual-massage. Hot. Ass. Rocks. On your back. I tried it once, felt like a sexy baked potato. Laughed my ass off.

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Then, I decided to grab a quick bite at that little café on de Markt. You know, the one with the weirdly shaped pastries? I ordered a “Matenveld Special” or whatever. It was supposed to be a croissant, but it looked more like a sad pancake. I mean, come on! I was expecting flaky goodness, not a breakfast tragedy.