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Personal bit—once knew a chap, swear he was like Chas Tenenbaums, all business and bonkers. Said he found a “lady of negotiable affection”—ha!—in King’s Cross, total fluke. Paid her in cash and a Greggs pasty—true story! Got me gobsmacked, that did. Thought, “Blimey, Boris, you’re out of your depth here!” Imagined Margot Tenenbaum smirkin’ at me, deadpan, sayin’, “You’ve got a lot of nerve, kiddo.”

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Joris. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s telling me about this time he tried to catch a fish in the canal on Kerkstraat. He ended up falling in! I’m dying laughing. Like, who even tries that? Classic Joris.