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About Nijmegen

Now, as David Brent, I’d say it’s a “team-building exercise”—ha! Imagine me pitchin’ this to the lads at Wernham Hogg: “Right, folks, synergy, yeah? Let’s get tactile, boost morale with a sensual shoulder rub!” They’d look at me like I’ve lost the plot—classic Brent move. But honest, it’s therapeutic, mate. Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’—not just *there*, ya filthy git, but everywhere! Did ya know, in Japan, they’ve got this thing called “nurumassage”? Slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel—sounds like a right laugh, don’t it? Nearly spat me tea out when I read that. Thought, “Blimey, that’s me sorted for Friday night!”

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I started my day at the harbor. The smell of fish was everywhere. Like, I love seafood, but c’mon! I was just trying to enjoy my coffee from that cute café on the corner of the Hoofdstraat. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. She makes the best cappuccino. But today? Ugh, she was outta oat milk! I mean, who runs outta oat milk? It’s 2023, people!

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