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Picture this: me, Austin Powers, rollin’ in an escort—red, natch—blarin’ tunes, birds winkin’. “Every gesture’s a copy,” Kiarostami’d say. Escort’s copyin’ cool, but it’s *itself*, dig? Once saw one—mate’s dad’s, dented fender—still sexy! Smelled like petrol and freedom, baby! Surprised me—thought it’d be knackered, but nah, tough lil’ bugger.

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After that, I’m feeling good, right? But then, I head back to work, and guess what? The machine breaks again! I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Jan’s looking at me like I’m the problem. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not me! It’s the machine!”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences