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Yo, fam, it’s ya boy Drake, droppin’ some real talk ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ya feel me? YOLO, you only live once, so let’s get into it. Picture this—me, vibin’ like I’m in *The Royal Tenenbaums*, tryna find some company, but it’s all messy, chaotic, like Royal himself, ya know? “I’m a wild card, baby,” I’m thinkin’, cruisin’ the streets, lookin’ for that late-night connection.

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First off, I spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Like, come on! It’s a Monday, I need all the luck I can get. I rushed out the door, late as usual, and hopped on my bike. You know, the one with the squeaky wheel? Yeah, that one. I pedaled down de Brink, dodging potholes like I’m in some kind of obstacle course.

Erwin van Bennekom departs as head coach of Indiana women’s soccer program