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Quirks? I’d overthink it. “Is this fin-safe? Too fishy?” Exaggeratin’? Picture me, flailin’, “I’m drownin’ in lotion!” Sarcasm? “Oh great, another eel-hand special!” Opinion? It’s weird, but if it’s your thing—swim on! Like Mia says, “You’re not my dad!”—do you, pal! Spontaneous enough? Hell yeah, I’m rantin’ like a lunatic—sexual-massage, fishy and fabulous!

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Now I’m mad. I mean, who lets their dog run wild like that? I look around for the owner, and there’s this guy just laughing. I’m like, “Dude, your dog just ruined my day!” He shrugs and says, “Dogs will be dogs.” I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m not a dog!”

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