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So, listen up, idiot sandwich! I’ve seen some shit, yeah? Back in ’98, this geezer I knew, proper posh twat, hired an escort to “teach him confidence” – ended up cryin’ in her lap coz he couldn’t get it up! Fuckin’ hilarious, made me piss meself laughin’! Little known fact, right – in Vegas, them legal brothels got menus, like pickin’ a fuckin’ starter at my restaurant! Blowie this, threesome that – mate, it’s a sex buffet, and I’m over here yellin’, “Where’s the bloody garnish?!”

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So, I’m cruising down the street, and boom! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, who even puts cobblestones here? I’m pretty sure they’re just waiting to trip people. I’m all like, “Great start to the day!” But whatever, I brush it off.

Governments to invest €175 million in making Groningen more accessible