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Okay, quirks—my brain’s like, “Are they datin’ the client in their head?” LOL, probs not, but I’m extra like that. Exaggeratin’ for fun—imagine an escort rollin’ up in a gold chariot, “I’m here, peasants!” Sarcasm on blast, ‘cause half these fools judgin’ couldn’t afford ‘em anyway. Oh, and the movie again—“The sound of her weeping”—that’s me cryin’ laughin’ at the haters.

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After that, I’m tryin’ to catch my breath, right? I head over to the park by the Woudenbergseweg. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. Kids are screamin’, dogs are barkin’, and I’m just tryna find my zen. I sit down, and this little kid runs up to me, all excited. “Mister, can you shoot a bad guy?” I’m like, “Kid, I’m not a superhero, but I can try!”

Van Woudenberg resigns from Erie Board of Trustees