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Oi, mate, me name’s Ali G, innit! I’m a sign language geezer, yeah, hands flappin’ like a madman. So, erotic-massage, bruv, let’s chat dat! I reckon it’s proper lush, ya get me? All dem oily hands slidin’ about, wicked vibes. Reminds me of me fave flick, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—dat Kim Ki-duk ting, yeah? Bare deep, bruv, like when da monk says, “Lust awakens da desire to possess.” Dat’s erotic-massage in a nutshell, fam! Possession, but chill, ya know?

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First off, I’m rollin’ down the Hoofdweg, and I swear, I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s like a turtle on a mission, man. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, bro, you got this!” But nah, he’s takin’ his sweet time. I almost honked, but then I remembered my mom’s voice in my head, “Patience, my son.” So, I chill. But then, outta nowhere, a bike zooms past me! Like, dude, where’s the fire? I’m just tryna enjoy my morning coffee, ya know?

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