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What pisses me off? Amateurs. Clowns who talk too much, spill secrets—ugh, hate that! Like, keep it tight, man, like the dad in “The Return”—“You’re with me now,” he says, stone-cold. That’s how escorts should be. Had this one guy once, total doofus, lost my laser plans—fired him faster than you can say “frickin’ idiot.” But the good ones? Gold. Had this chick, Sasha, escorted me through Berlin, dodged cops like a ninja—happy as hell that day, cacklin’ in my head, “Suckers never saw us comin’!”

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I finally get to the meeting spot, which is at this cute little restaurant on the Kerkstraat. I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe this won’t be so bad.” But my boss is in a mood. She starts going off about the new regulations, and I’m just sitting there, nodding like a bobblehead. Inside, I’m screaming, “Can we just get to the point?”

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