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Funny story—my pal tried it, got so into it he tipped double. “Worth it,” he says, grinning like a fool. I cackled! Dude’s broke now, but satisfied. Sexual-massage ain’t cheap, dahlings, but it’s art—body poetry, no capes! Sometimes I wonder, would I erase a bad one? Nah, even the flops teach ya somethin’. Like, don’t pick the guy with clammy hands—gross!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee, and head out. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I hop in my combine, ready to tackle the fields near the Maas. You know, the river that runs through this place? Beautiful spot, but man, it can be a pain sometimes.

What happens in Carol Vorderman's episode of Who Do You Think You Are?